#2011
Evil Mike: Lita! Ass!
Date: 03/03/2002
From: Carmelita9000
<What we really need now is another RP reply that does nothing to advance the plot!!!>
Rimmer: Don't call me A--
Lita: What is it, Evil Mike?
Evil Mike: <holds out a piece of paper> Look what I found tucked under Tork's pillow!
Mickey: Tork has a pillow?
Tork: Wow! Cool! I didn't even know I had a bed!
Mickey: Why don't I get a pillow?
Rimmer: Shh! Let me read this. <She unfolds the paper and starts reading.> "My list of why Rimmi and Lita just don't stack up, appearance-wise."
Lita: Tork!
Tork: Ok… I didn't write that.
Rimmer: "Written by me, Tork_110"
Tork: Huh?
<Evil Mike finds a nice quiet corner to sit back and watch the action.>
Lita: So… what does the list say?
Tork: There's no need to read it. I didn't write it.
Rimmer: "1. Rimmer's ass isn't nearly as great as everybody makes it out to be. I think it's very overrated." Hey!
Lita: <reading over Rimmer's shoulder> "2. Lita has big thumbs. I hate big thumbs." My thumbs are not big, Tork!
Tork: I didn't write this! I'm telling you!
Rimmer: "3. They both have blonde hair. Who says gentlemen prefer blondes? Blonde hair is ugly. I like dark hair, like the hair of my beeeeautiful Nuveena."
<Rimmer and Lita both glare at Tork. He's looking very bewildered.>
Lita: "4. Rimmer has no muscle tone. Hey, Rimmer, why don't you try doing a pushup now and then? You can even try the girl pushups if regular pushups are too hard for you."
Rimmer: "5. Lita's really fat. It's grotesque. She should cut down on the donuts."
Lita & Rimmer: TORK!!!11!
Mickey: That's pretty mean, Tork.
Tork: I don't know where all that stuff came from! I didn't write this!
Rimmer: "6. Lita has really knobby knees. I hate them. Part of me dies whenever I look at them. I wish she'd wear a longer skirt."
Lita: Huh? <Lita looks at her knees>
Mickey: Geez, Tork. What got into you? Were you drunk or something?
Tork: Uhhh… <He's speechless>
Lita: <Over her momentary distraction> Oh wow… "7. Rimmer has really sticky-out ears. They're abnormally huge. It makes me wonder why we call that other guy 'Mickey.'"
Rimmer: <Puts her hands over her ears> Tork! How could you???
Mickey: For crying out loud, Tork! That was insulting to both of us!
Tork: But… I didn't… Rimmi, your ears aren't--
Rimmer: Don't you "Rimmi" me!!!
Lita: "8. Let's talk about intelligence for a minute--"
Tork: Let's not…
Lita: "--Rimmer thinks she's smart but she's really not. Can any of you think of one smart thing she's ever done? I didn't think so."
Rimmer: Oh, right! Like you're so brilliant, Mr. Einstein!!!
Tork: No need to get nasty! I keep telling you, I didn't--
Rimmer: "But that idiot Rimmer is a freaking genius next to Lita! Watch this: Hey, Lita!"
Lita: <to the note.> What?
Rimmer: "What's 6 x 7?"
Lita: Uhm…. Oh gee. Just a second. <Starts counting on her fingers> 1, 2, 3, 4…
Tork: Lita, you don't have to do that. I didn't write this.
Lita: Shut up! I'm counting! I'll prove to you I'm not an idiot! Oh, damn. I lost count…
Lita42: Lita! The answer is 42!
Lita: Shh! You're making me mess up!
Rimmer: You don't have to prove anything to Tork. He's just being a jerk. And it's 42.
Lita: Quit it! Now I have to start over! 1, 2, 3, 4…
Tork: I'm not being a jerk. I didn't write that. It's 42, Lita.
Lita: Stop trying to give me the wrong answer, Dorky Tork! I finally finished adding! It's 44, isn't it?
Rimmer: Let me see what Tork's paper says. <She skips down to where she left off.> "No. That's wrong, you idiot."
Lita: Hey!
Mickey: There's more, after the list! It say's, "I, however, feel very secure in my Torkyness--"
Tork: Torkyness?
Rimmer: Don't interrupt. It's rude.
Mickey: "and it's great to know that I'm the coolest member of GROPE. Indeed, compared to the rest of these dumbasses, it's hard not to be! They're all stupid and ugly gits, especially Rimmer and Lita." Well, I guess I'm glad he left me out!
Lita: There's more.
Mickey: Oh… "But especially Mickey." Hey!!!
Rimmer: "I'm so incredibly awesome!!!1!! Love, Tork"
<There are a few moments of silence before Rimmer, Lita, and Mickey cast their angry glares on Tork. He starts to back away nervously as they advance on him. Much loud arguing follows. Elsewhere in Diabolik's lair, Evil Mike looks on.>
EM: Man, this is great.
cow: You wrote that list and signed Tork's namooe, didn't you, Evil Mooike.
EM: Yes. As a matter of fact I did. And it's the coolest thing I've done in a long time.
cow: I amoo entirely in agreemooent. What inspired you to do this, if I mooay ask?
EM: I got bored. Not much has been happening in the last few days. Just thought I'd shake things up a bit.
<There is more arguing from the others. The fight is escalating.>
EM: Yep. These are the moments I live for, pretty much. Nothing we need to do now, but sit back and enjoy the fireworks.
<Evil Mike and Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the cow both give a sigh of contentment.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
It's hard to type when you just polished your nails!
#2012
[PM] Okay! Time to get serious!
Date: 03/05/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Serious!1! Mode>>>
[PM is standing at a podium in front of a projection screen in a darkened corner of MSTBlanca. Nabut and Buffalo sit to one side, working the projector, and Sam sits opposite them, at his piano. PM is addressing a group of people who are cloaked in the shadows of the room.]
[PM] Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to G.R.O.P.E.-fest '98!
[Sam starts playing quiet, classical music, and there is raucous cheering from some of the audience.]
[PM] Okay, first things first. I want at this poin to make it absolutely clear that this is *not* a free-love swingers festival! If you came for that kind of garbage, get out now!
[A large portion of the audience starts grumbling, and boo-ing as they leave. Nabut closes the door behind the last of them.]
[Nabut] Perverts!
[PM] All right. Now that we've gotten *that* straightened out, we should only have bounty hunters left. Is that right?
[The remaining audience gives their assent to this. Among them are a pair of extremely serious-looking German twins accompanied by an old man in a wheelchair, a vampire couple (male and female) dressed in country-western type outfits, a big-game hunter, a spiky yellowish demon kind of guy, and a group of three mis-matched individuals: a big, burly, scary-looking biker guy, a small, mild-mannered accountant-looking guy, and an average-looking lady cop. All three of them have the same tattoo on their wrist.]
[PM] Good! Now, to busine--
[Cowboy Vampire] Excuse me! I got a question fer ya!
[PM] Yes, Mr. Gorch?
[Lyle Gorch, Cowboy Vampire] Why is this here shindig called "G.R.O.P.E.-fest '98? It's a fair piece past 1998!
[PM] I don't think that's impor--
[Nabut] Actually, I had wondered the same thing, my Liege.
[PM] It's... well, you know... It's just because, okay?!? I'm not paying you to ask questions!
[Nabut] Okay, okay. Touch-Y!
[PM] Anyway, here are your targets. First of them is A_Judas_Rimmer...
[Sam changes the tune he's been playing to "Ziggy Stardust".]
[Sam] o/` She is the mass, with God-given ass... o/`
[PM] She favors genital mutilation, so I advise extreme caution in going after her. Next is Carmelita9000...
[Sam changes the tune to "Killer Queen".]
[Sam] o/` She's a killer (bitch) queeeeeeeen! o/`
[PM] Lita has demonstrated violent tendencies in the past, so don't be lulled into security by her sweet demeanor. She is often accompanied by Evil Mike, who I think needs no introduction among you all. [The bounty hunters agree.] She has numerous clones of herself, as well. Next is Grandmapa...
[Sam changes the tune to "Dude Looks Like A Lady".]
[Sam] o/` Kid kid kid looks like an old lady! o/`
[PM] He is often drunk, which makes him unpredictable. He also carries a magical walker, which he can use to really ruin your day. So watch it! Your next target is MickeyTheGardener...
[Sam changes the tune to "Mickey".]
[Sam] o/` Oh Mickey loves his soup Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey! o/`
[PM] Mickey may be the Bboard Nice Guy, but he's also the Time/Space expert, so you can be sure that he will attempt to use any continuity errors to his advantage. Finally, your last target is Tork_110...
[Sam changes the tune to "Mister Roboto".]
[Sam] o/` Tork-o Tork-o! Tork-o Tork-- o/`
[Old Man in Wheelchair] Enough! Must you have that awful so-called musical accompaniment to your presentation?
[PM] Look, buddy! *I'm* the one hiring *you*. So get over it! Oh, look now. You've made Sam cry.
[Sam, trying to hide his tears.] Naw *sniff*. It's all right, Big Daddy *sniff*. I'm... I'm just a little bummed, that's all...
[PM] Dammit, anyway! Look, you bounty hunters all just go out and do what you do best. I've gotta calm Sam down, here.
[The hunters all leave. PM pats Sam's shoulder.]
[PM] There there, buddy. It'll be all right. The mean old man has gone away.
[Buffalo] Yeah, Lazy Rahder! Tell yew what, Ah'll sang yew a song! Thayat'll cheer yew up!
[PM, stopping Buffalo from strumming his guitar.] --I've got a better idea! I'll take you kids to Baskin Robbins!
[Sam] Can I get my favorite topping this time, boss? [Sam pulls out a bag of peculiar dried leaves and winks knowingly.]
[PM] You know I don't normally allow that on company time, Sam. [Sam looks disappoined.] But this time, what the heck! Just don't let me see you ordering it!
[Sitcom laugh from all, fade to black.]
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
There! It's about time we started a new sub-plot!
+8]=) Posture King
Vice President of the Mister T Fan Club
Sarcophagus!
#2013
<Deep in the depths of Diabolik's lair..
Date: 03/06/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
...Rimmer and Lita and Mickey are throwing balls of wet toilet paper at Tork, who has been attached to a wall with lots and lots of Spidey silk.>
Lita: This'll teach you to call Rimmi and me ugly!
Mickey: Yeah! And me stupid!
Tork: Like I keep saying, I didn't write that stupid--
<There's a knock at the entrance>
Lita: Evil Mike, go see who that is, will you?
<Evil Mike walks off. He returns moments later with a little guy in a uniform close behind him.>
Lita: Evil Mike, I said to see who it is! Not to bring them in here!
Evil Mike: I figured it would be all right because he was standing in direct sunlight without bursting into flames! So he's not a vampire.
Lita: But that's not the poin--
Rimmer: <To the guy> Who are you, anyway?
Little Guy: I'm yer limousine driver.
Rimmer: Limousine driver? Lita, did we hire anybody to drive our limousine?
Lita: I didn't even know we had a limo. Well, you learn something new every day!
Little Guy: No, Lady. I'm just hired for the night. To drive you'se guys to the big high school dance er something.
Mickey: High school dance? Are any of us still in high school?
gramps: I am!
Rimmer: Is your school having a dance?
gramps: Beats me. Because I've been hanging around with you guys, I haven't been to school in months!
Lita: That's not very good, grampy. You need your education.
gramps: Bite me, Lita! I hate school! And you're always trying to teach me stuff! You're just one of *them*!
Lita: …yeah… all right… So… Limo guy… You say this dance is tonight?
Little Guy: You bet.
Lita: Then we'd better get ready!
Rimmer: Hold on. Something about this seems suspicious to me. Why would we be invited to somebody else's big high school dance?
Little Guy: 'Cause you girls are s'posed to be nominated or something for… uh… Queen of the Dance… or some garbage like that.
Lita: Queen of the Dance? Oooh! I am all over that!
Rimmer: You are not. I'm a much better dancer than you are.
Lita: Nuh-uh!!!
Mickey: Wow! The big high school dance! This sounds fun!
Tork: I guess you've all forgotten that this is dance is probably a trap?
Lita: Stop being mean, you meanie!
Cow: Mooaybe Nuveena will be there.
Tork: Nuveena? Guys! Cut me down from this wall! I've got to get ready!
Cave Rimmer: A big dance, eh? This should be interesting. I've never been to a dance before. You know, other than the big tribal dances that don't count.
Little Guy: Er… You're not invited.
Cave Rimmer: I'm not?
Little Guy: Naw. The only people I gots on my list to take to the dance is A_Judas_Rimmer, Tork_110, Carmelita9000, MickeyTheGardener, and grandmapa. <He looks at the cow, Cave Rimmer, Lita42, and Evil Mike.> Nobody else can come.
Lita: But… But Evil Mike has to come! He's my date!
Little Guy: Sorry, Lady.
Lita: <Puts her arms around Evil Mike's neck and hugs him possessively> I'm not going unless Evil Mike goes! And that's that!
Little Guy: <Looking worried> But Lady! I gots to bring everybody on the list to the big high school dance!
Lita: If Evil Mike isn't welcome than neither am I! *pout*
Little guy: <Powerless against Lita's amazing pouting abilities> All right, all right! You can bring that one guy! But no extra people! You gots that?
Lita: Yay!!!
<Everybody takes a few minutes to get dressed up all fancy, before they get into the limousine, which drives them straight to…>
Rimmer: <Getting out of the limo with the rest of GROPE> The hell? We're in the woods! Since when are big high school dances held in the woods?
Little guy: <Locking all the doors to the limousine so nobody can get back in, he sticks his head out the window and laughs.> Ha ha ha!!! So long suckers!!! <The limousine zooms away really fast.>
Lita: Well. I don't much like the sound of that.
Mickey: Look over there! There's a TV with a VCR on top! Let's see what's on!
<They press play on the VCR, and Pharaoh Mobius appears on the monitor.>
PM: Hello, Gropers! It's good to see you all made it here safely! Welcome to G.R.O.P.E.-fest '98!
Mickey: 98? The hell?
PM: Shut up about the name!
Mickey: Oh.
PM: I have found some of the worlds best hunters for a great big contest to see who can do the best job of hunting…. YOU!!!
Rimmer: <mumbling> Oh, well that's sure creative.
PM: Starting from the beginning of this tape, you all have about 5 minutes to run away before my hunters come after you! Happy hiding!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA--
EM: This is pretty boring…
<He hits fast forward. They watch the tape zip by for a minute before hitting play again>
PM: --HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA-- <and it just goes on like that>
Lita: Does he really expect us to get scared by all this?
PM: <Stops laughing> No, Lita. I expect you to DIE!!! <The tape abruptly ends>
Lita: Well, that seems a bit extreme.
Rimmer: Is it just me, or does this seem a bit more evil than usual? It's not like we ever killed him!
gramps: Except for that one time.
Rimmer: That was his own stupid fault!
Tork: Nuveena isn't here… is she?
Lita: Sorry, Tork, but it look's like--
<Lita is interrupted by a grenade landing in the midst of the group. There is a moment of uncomfortable silence, then everybody scatters just in time to get away from the explosion. Lita and Evil Mike go one way, Rimmer and grandmapa go another way, and Tork and Mickey go yet another way. What happens next now that everybody is separated? You'll have to wait and see!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#2014
I like sandwiches.
Date: 03/06/2002
From: piehole
doodoo doodoo
#2015
<Rimmi and Gramps ran like hell!>
Date: 03/07/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
<They were quite a distance away when the grenade exploded- at least Rimmi was far away and gramps was trailing pathetically with his walker.>
Gramps: I don't think I like this vampire based programming.
Rimmi: Well, if my memory of this episode serves we should be okay. We need to find a cabin to hide out in but that won't be a good place to hide in forever. Now I have my Mr. Poiny McHappySackSlasher and you have your walker but do we have a spatula?
Gramps: I might, let me check. <checks his person>
Rimmi: And we should get rid of our corsages. They have trackers in them. <removes hers>
Gramps: But the orchid goes with my eyes!
Rimmi: It's not safe. Now what about that spatula?
Gramps: <removes the corsage and takes a spatula from his bag> This is supposed to help us?
Rimmi: Yep. <starts to walk backwards as if surveying the area but we all know what happens when anyone does that on vampire based programming! Rimmi backs into someone! You wanna know who? I don't know who which is why Gramps will have to take the story next.>
#2016
Tork: C'mon Mickey! Think!!!!
Date: 03/07/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
What do we do now?
Mickey: I don't know! This is one of the few third season eps I've never seen! We're doomed!
Tork: Oh yeah! That's just great!
Mickey: Hey! Just be thankful PM isn't turning himself into a big snake.
Tork: Good poin...WHAT?
Mickey: Nevermind.
(Mickey trips and falls into a very deep hole...was there a very deep hole in this episode? Well, there is now!)
Tork: Oh fine! Leave me alone to fend for myself.
Mickey: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x3
In a very deep hole
#2017
[Semi-OOC] A snake? Never!!!
Date: 03/07/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Quote Mode>>>
This comes from the Top 100 Things an Evil Overlord Should Never Do:
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
So you don't have to worry about *that* one. =)
PM
#2018
I've read that list, PM.
Date: 03/07/2002
From: Carmelita9000
It was really funny! nmt
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Lita
:o)
#2019
Lost as lost can be!
Date: 03/07/2002
From: Carmelita9000
Warning! Much Mushiness Within!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<Lita and Evil Mike are wandering around in the woods. They haven't seen anybody since they just barely managed to not get blown up by that grenade.>
Lita: Wow, Evil Mike! This is kind of scary! Running away from freaky people who want to kill us, and all.
EM: <Not really interested> Uh-huh. Scary. Right.
Lita: Evil Mike, if somebody attacks us, you'll protect me, right?
EM: Yeah. I guess. Whatever.
Lita: Oh, you're so sweet!
EM: Yep. That's me. Sweet.
Lita: I just wish we knew what happened to the others. I hope they're all right! What do you think, Evil Mike?
EM: <Taking an interest in the conversation for the first time this reply> What do *I* think?
Lita: Yeah.
EM: I think it's about f***ing time we were alone together without all your stupid little friends hanging around screwing everything up!
Lita: Watch your mouth! And don't talk about my friends that--
EM: <kisses her>
Lita: Now, Mikey, I appreciate the sentiment… but now probably isn't the best time for kissing…
EM: <kisses her again> Yeah? Seems like a perfect time to me. *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
Lita: It's just that it seems kind of dangerous to hang around here making out when there's a bunch of psychos out here trying to ki-- MMMmmmph!!!
<Before too long Lita and Evil Mike are so busy distracting each other that they don't even notice that there's somebody lurking in the shadows nearby! I haven't decided who it is yet, though. So if you want to know, you're going to have to wait.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
should really know better.
#2020
I love that list!
Date: 03/07/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
It's great! That's one of my favorite rules too along with don't try to make the woman from the "good" side love you because there are probably woman in the dark army who will love you too. (Or something like that. They word it funnier.)
#2021
Ok, so you've completely
Date: 03/08/2002
From: manosgirl
removed me from the rp, huh?! Well! I WILL have my revenge! I want to be Queen of the Dance! So there! Hmmph! (manosgirl leaves in a flounce of thin diaphenous (sp) material...in a huff) C'mon girls! (the WoM follow in a sympathetic huff.)
So there!
manosgirl
huff huff huff...
fsm...
#2022
Well, manosgirl,
Date: 03/08/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
What side do you want to be on? It's hard to write for you if we don't know. So do you want to be one of the super-cool members of GROPE (like me, Mickey, Rimmi, Tork, and all our various henchpeople), or do you want to work with stinky, icky, yucky, mean old Phahgjfjhaghfhahtgraahn? Or neither of the above? Let us know where you stand so that we know how to write you, and we'll be happy to put you in again! :)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is going to speak for everybody else,
and you can't stop her!!!
#2023
Ooopsie! I forgot gramps!
Date: 03/08/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
gramps is a member of GROPE too! Aren't you gramps?
<grandmapa glares at Lita for forgetting him, and then throws a pair of Birkenstocks at her.>
Ouch!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is forgetful sometimes.
#2024
I'm not spamming! I promise!
Date: 03/08/2002
From: Carmelita9000
Everything I say is important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<manosgirl wakes up at MSTBlanca>
mg: Ugh! What day is it? Have I been passed out in this booth ever since the Chrono Trigger thing?
<Apparently. manosgirl glances over to the bar, where Pharaoh Mobius is reveling in his evil, as he has a tendency to do.>
PM: MUA HA HA HA!!! Soon, very soon, they'll all be dead! And then I will be… uh… Why am I trying to kill them again, Nabut?
Nabut: Because they're a bunch of jerks and you hate them?
PM: No… doesn't seem like that was it. It doesn't matter, we'll just say it's because I'm evil. That's always been a good excuse in the past. Ok. I'll start again. MUA HA HA HA!!! Soon, very soon, they'll all be dead! And then I will be… er… even more evil than I am now!!! MUA HA HA HA!!!
mg: <taps him on the shoulder> Excuse me…
PM: Gah! manosgirl! What are you still doing here?
mg: Well, you don't have to be so rude about it!!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
thinks PM was probably right to be surprised this time,
since it has been like a few weeks since the CT thing.
#2025
[manosgirl] Who are you trying to kill?
Date: 03/08/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<On the Spot! Mode>>>
[PM] Errr... no one.
[manosgirl] Nuh-uh, don't give me that. You were talking about killing somebody. Spill it.
[PM] Oh, all right. Lita, Rimmi, Tork, Mickey, and Gramps. Oh, and Evil Mike, too, I guess.
[manosgirl] Now why would you want to do something like that?
[PM] Well... ummm... you know...
[manosgirl] I'm waiting...
[PM] ummmmm....
[Buffalo] 'Cuz he's thu villin!
[PM] Yeah! 'Cause I'm the villain! And I'm evil and stuff!
[Nabut] And they've been conducting a vengeance campaign against him for nearly a year!
[manosgirl] Okay, I could see you going for some kind of revenge against them. But killing? That's pretty harsh, even for a villain.
[PM] Yeah, well all the other villains in the International Brotherhood of Evil have been making fun of me lately. They said I'm going soft or something. I'll show them soft! When I'm through with G.R.O.P.E.,
#2026
"Who are you trying to kill?" continued
Date: 03/08/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<STUPID FREAKIN' [POST] BUTTON! Mode>>>
[manosgirl] Yes, yes. You'll get the other villains back then, won't you? But KILLING, PM? The G.R.O.P.E.rs are your friends, aren't they?
[PM] Well, yeah...
[manosgirl] But it's not like they've tried to kill you, have they?
[PM] They *did* kill me that one time.
[Nabut] But they say it doesn't count!
[PM] Put Mr. Pibb in my hot-tub, grumblegrumblegrrr...
[manosgirl] I just wouldn't think you'd go that far.
[PM] Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not trying *that* hard to kill them.
[Nabut] WHAT?!? You said that those people were among the greatest hunters in the world!
[PM] Well, I lied. I mean, we're talking about Lyle Gorch, for evil's sake! Willow scared him off!
[Nabut] But what about the others?
[PM] Ah, just think about it. On one side you have the Gorches, the Germans, the Baraka wannabe, and the great white hunter. On the other side you have Rimmi, Lita, and Evil Mike. Who do *you* think is going to win?
[Nabut] *gasp* Oh, those poor vampires.
[manosgirl] WAIT a minute. You're running Slayerfest '98 on them?
[PM] Err... G.R.O.P.E.-fest '98, actually...
[manosgirl] Have you considered making up your own plans, and not copying off of Vampire Based Programming scripts?
[PM] Hey, I improvised! I threw in the Order of Turaka, too!
[manosgirl] Mixing and matching episodes? Tsk tsk. That is really weak.
[PM] Oh yeah?!? You try being a Pulp Vil--
[Sam] Hey, Big Daddy! Are you ready to go yet?
[PM] Oh yeah. We're going to Baskin Robbins, manosgirl. Wanna come with?
[manosgirl] Can I bring the W-o-M?
[PM] Of course!
[manosgirl] Let's roll!
PM
There! manosgirl RP goodness!
Sarcophagus!
#2027
<When we last saw Lita and Evil Mike....
Date: 03/08/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
...they were kissing under a tree instead of trying to defend their very lives from the evil bounty hunters that Pharaoh Mobius hired to kill them. And that's pretty much what they're still doing. Check it out.>
EM: *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
Lita: *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
<You see? How on earth did these two survive this far into the rp anyway? I mean damn! You'd think they'd at least notice the guy lurking around in the bushes behind them!>
Lita: <stops kissing for a second> Hey, Evil Mike, did you notice that?
EM: Notice what? *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
Lita: It thought I heard something over behind those bushes…
EM: It's just your imagination. *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
Lita: I guess you're right. *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
<Look at that! Idiots, the both of them! Of course, our lurker picks this exact moment to leap out of the bushes at our two heroes. He's big, and he's scary, and he's got long stringy hair, and he looks like he could have a profitable career in pro wrestling. Yep! He's that one guy from the Order of Turaka that Buffy killed with her ice-skate, if I remember correctly! He advances on Lita and Evil Mike with a frightening war cry.>
Shadowy Lurker: GWAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH--Hey, Evil Mike! How are you doing?
Lita: AAAAAAAHHHH-- huh?
EM: Marvin? Is that you? How are you doing?
Lita: Evil Mike? You know this guy?
EM: Sure. We go way back. <He sees the puzzled look on Lita's face.> Well I do have a life outside of you.
Marvin: Hi. I'm Marvin. <He shakes Lita's hand> So, you're dating Evil Mike, eh? I feel sorry for you!
<Evil Mike and Marvin share a laugh at the stupid joke. Lita's still confused that EM knows people that she didn't introduce him to.>
EM: So, Marv. How are the wife and kids?
Marvin: Oh, they're doing great. Lorna's on my back to re-grout the tile in the bathroom though. Little Timmy's gotta get braces on his teeth…. <and blah, blah, blah. Evil Mike and Marvin have a long and not incredibly interesting conversation where they catch up on each other's personal lives. Lita listens politely.>
EM: …I bet you're not looking forward to paying for college for young Julie!
Marvin: Nope, I'm sure not! Aaaaanyhoo, it's been great catching up and stuff, but I'd better get back to work!
Lita: All right, well, it's been nice meeting you!
Marvin: Yeah, nice meeting you too! It's almost too bad I have to kill you now.
Lita: Hey, wait! No! Weren't we just getting along?
Marvin: Yeah. But I'm a bounty hunter. I gotta kill the people on my list, and you're on my list.
Lita: Oh no! Evil Mike, he's gonna kill us!
Marvin: Oh, not the both of you. Evil Mike's not on my list. Just you.
Lita: Hey! That's not very nice! Evil Mike, stop him from killing me!
EM: Lita, he's just doing his job.
Lita: MIKE!!!
EM: What?
Lita: Marvin! Don't kill me! Please?
Marvin: Sorry, but if I kill the most of you GRAPErs or whatever you are, I get lots of cool stuff from that guy with the hat!
Lita: But… but… but…
EM: Quit whining. It's not that bad.
Lita: He's gonna kill me!
EM: Yeah? And?
Lita: Ok, then. I see how it is. I'm just your girlfriend is all. Well, fine. Next time you get lonely, I won't be here. But I'm sure Marv will be perfectly willing to cuddle you.
EM: Hey, wait… can we talk about this?
Marvin: Ok… <He picks up a big rock> Now, just hold still, Little Lady. This will all be over before you know it. <He aims at her head> You might want to close your eyes.
Lita: Aww, screw the both of ya!
<Lita kicks Marvin really hard in the groin. As he doubles over, Lita departs rapidly. Several minutes later…>
EM: Damn.
Marvin: Sorry about your girlfriend, man.
EM: Yeah. She's always getting pissed off about something. Women, you know?
Marvin: I know I'll never understand them.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
*sniff* Evil Mike wouldn't stand up for me!
#2028
If nobody else is going to do it...
Date: 03/12/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
It's been days!!!
<Rimmi backs into… That hunter guy!!!>
Rimmer: Eeek!
Hunter: I found you! And now I'm gonna shoot you kids and have your heads stuffed and mounted on the wall over my couch!
<Rimmi starts to back away>
gramps: Rimmi! Look out!
<Rimmer almost stepped in a huge bear trap, but she saw it just in time!>
Rimmer: Thanks, gramps! Now use your magic walker to make this guy go away!
gramps: I can't. Sorry.
Rimmer: Why can't you? Oh.
<What Rimmi just now noticed is that gramps is stuck in a net that's hanging from a tree. He dropped his walker when the net picked him up, so he can't reach it now!>
***
<Meanwhile, Mickey has fallen into a very deep hole, leaving Tork above all by himself. Well, not quite all by himself. He just noticed the mild mannered accountant-looking guy standing right next to him.>
Tork: Agh! Don't sneak up on people like that! You scared me at first! But you actually look like you should be selling encyclopedias or something, so I'm sure you couldn't be one of those bounty hunter people!
Mild Mannered Accountant-Looking Guy: Bounty hunter? Actually, I sell cosmetics.
Tork: Oh. Well, I don't need any of those. Maybe you should ask the girls.
Mickey: <His voice echoing from down in the hole> Oh, right! Just call the girls ugly some more! That'll make you popular!
Tork: But I didn't… Hey! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!! <to the cosmetics salesman> So. What's your name?
Cosmetics Salesman: My friends call me Maggot Man.
Tork: Really? That's an unusual name. Why would they call you that?
<Maggot Man grins wickedly>
Tork: That wasn't a smart thing to ask, was it?
<All the sudden, Maggot Man disintegrates into like a bajillion yucky maggots! (Wow! That's one of the grosser things I've had to type recently.) Tork goes very, very pale. But the maggots don't go after him, probably because it's hard to devour a guy through a robot costume. (Lame reason, I know.) Instead, they all jump into the very deep hole that Mickey's in, and boy is it amazing. There's nothing like a bajillion yucky maggots falling on your head to suddenly give you the ability to jump out of a very deep hole very fast. (Wow, that was pretty gross too!)>
Mickey: Eeeeeeyugh!!! Whoever came up with that Maggot Man idea is one sick little person! Fortunately, I picked Evil Mike's pocket just as we were getting out of the limousine. Don't tell him, all right?
<Mickey pulls a small can of lighter fluid and a lighter out of his pocket. He pours the lighter fluid into the hole, and then lights the lighter and drops it in to. The tiny screams of a bajillion yucky maggots burning to death can be heard.>
Mickey: So. That takes care of that! Right Tork? Tork? Hey. You don't look too good.
Tork: <very, very pale.> He was just a regular guy! And then-- Poof! Maggots!! Aaaahhh!!!!
Mickey: Hey, Tork! You better not be planning to faint!
<Against Mickey's sage advice, Tork faints.>
Mickey: Oh, fine! Be that way! <Glances into the hole> Eww… That's really gross, I'm not staying here.
<Mickey grabs one of Tork's arms, and starts dragging him away.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Well, somebody's got to write these things!
#2029
Drag, drag, dragity-drag
Date: 03/19/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
<<<Hot Dragging Action!!!>>>
Boy, that title and first line could be interpreted in so many ways (Especially since Tork and I's makeovers), but you know what I mean.
Mickey: This guy weighs a ton. What's Nuveena see in him, anyway? Hey! A wagon!
(Yup. A conveniently placed bright red wagon. Right in the middle of the woods. How about that? Mickey loads Tork into the wagon)
Mickey: Ugh (struggling to pull it). This isn't much bett...(loses control) Oops. Hee hee
(The wagon starts to roll down a very big hill [A subsidiarary to the very deep hole] and, as if almost by magic, or a hackeneyed resolution cheaply thrown together by the writer, runs over the hunter and kills him)
Rimmi: YAY! (runs over to the wagon) Thanks, Tork!
Mickey (Running over to the scene): Yeah, way to faint at the simple sight of a maggot, Tork.
Rimmi: Ick! (Faints)
Mickey: There's no maggots! I just said that...
Rimmi (gets up): Oh, that's different than.
Mickey: Let's go help Lita.
Rimmi: AND Evil Mike.
Mickey (Grabbing hold of the wagon handle) Oh yeah, that guy. (Mickey, Rimmi, and Tork leave)
Gramps: Hello? Guys? I Wuv you! OH COME ON, YOU BUNCH OF (Language unsuitable for minors)
Rimmi (overhearing): Oh yeah! Tee hee...oops.
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
o/'Maggot man, maggot man, was set on fire and Mickey ran o/'
#2030
run, Run, RUN like the wind!!!
Date: 03/19/2002
From: Carmelita9000
Lita's been running for days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<Lita runs and runs. She continues to do so, until suddenly she is nearly flattened by PM's Big Rig.>
Lita: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!111!!!!1111!!1!!!!!!!
<The truck swerves to miss her at the very last second, and pulls to a stop just short of hitting a tree. Everybody in the rig gets out because it's easier to have a conversation that way.>
Lita: Phafoffharolahoha! What the hell???
Buffalo: Hey, Big Daddy! You just nearly killt mah Cupcake II!
Lita: He sure did, Buffalo. And this isn't the first time.
PM: It was an accident? <Lita kicks him in the shin> Ow!!
Buffalo: Now, thaht just ain't raght, tryin' tah kill mah darlin little Cupcake II. She's mah brahd! Ouch! Whahd ya hit me, Cupcake II?
Lita: I am not now, nor will I ever be your broad!!!
Buffalo: No, Ah sayd you're mah brahd! You know, at our weddin'!
Lita: Ugh.
PM: Lita--
Lita: I'm not speaking to you. You just tried to kill me.
PM: That was an accident! Besides, you should take some of the blame here! You're the one who was running around in the middle of the road!
Lita: I was not!
PM: You were too!
Lita: I was-- <She takes a moment to look around.> Oh, hey. Look at that. We *are* in the middle of the road! I guess I should pay more attention to where I'm going… You still tried to kill me, though! You know, with the bounty hunters and stuff!
PM: Well what about that time you killed me?! Do the words "Mr. Pibb" sound familiar to you???
Lita: Oh! So going to go down that road, are you? I seem to remember a certain time when a certain wife of yours just so happened to kill me. But I don't throw that in your face every time it's convenient, do I?
PM: Well…
Lita: *Do* *I*?
PM: I guess not.
Lita: No. I don't.
Sam: Say, Lita baby. Where's that guy you're always hanging around with? What was his name? Evil Mike?
Lita: Shut up!
Sam: All right. I can chill.
Lita: Hey, manosgirl! You're still in the story!
mg: Yeah! By the skin of my teeth! I almost got written out, but I just managed to get back in! Isn't it great?
Lita: Yeah! Congratulations!
PM: Lita, about that trying to kill everybody thing--
Lita: Oh, just hush, you! Hmph!
***
<Meanwhile, elsewhere in the forest, Marvin and Evil Mike are hanging out, drinking from bottles of booze that one or both of them happened to bring along.>
Marvin: Maaannnn… Tha girrfrienn of yersss.... Ssssssshe'sss got sssssome kneeeeeeezzzzz onnner....
EM: Yeah… *hic*
Marvin: Sssorta sssucks shhhe rannnoff like tha…
EM: Ssshhhhe'lll be back. *drink*
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#2031
Rimmi, Mickey, Gramps and some robot
Date: 03/19/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
lying unconcious in a wagon...
Find Evil Mike and Marvin.
(Evil Mike grabs Mickey)
Evil Mike: You shee thiss guy here? Thish ish the greatessssssssst guy in the world *hic*
Mickey: Oooooooooooookay...you're drunk.
Evil Mike: No I'm not *hic* You can't prove any (passes out)
Marvin (to Rimmi and Gramps): Hey, you two are Gropers! You're on my list! (Poins at Mickey and Tork) You two ladies can go.
Mickey: OK.
(Out of continuity)
(Lita hits Mickey)
Mickey: WHAT?
Lita: You and Tork aren't dressed like girls in the rp, you moron.
Mickey: Oh yeah. I was hoping you'd forget that....hey look over there, it's Bono!
Lita: I'm not falling for that. Now get back to the rp, mister.
Mickey: Oh...ok, fine.
(Back in the rp)
Marvin: Hey, you four are on my list! Hold still...and oops. (Look like Marvin forgot he was drunk too...he doubles over and the rock falls on his head)
Rimmi: Good. Mickey, Grab Evil Mike...well, I'll take care of that part, actually.
Mickey: We already have one unconcious traveller, we're never going to get anywhere with two.
Gramps: Just wake Evil Mike up, I'm sure he can walk on his own, whippersnappers. (mumbles) Kids today.
Rimmi: Oh come on, *sniff* I wanted to grab him.
Gramps: C'mon. (Shakes Evil Mike)
Evil Mike: Shtupid Marvin, can't handle his liq *hic* our, jussssssssssshht like in the old daysh. OK, Marvin, wakie wakie.
Rimmi: I think he's dead, Evil Mike.
Evil Mike: Oh. Well, let that be a lesshon to all of you about drinking. It wash nice talking to you, Marv.
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
Look ma, I'm doing the rp!
#2032
And Mickey's body count rises! n/t
Date: 03/19/2002
From: Carmelita9000
ntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntntnt
No Text!
:oÞ
#2033
zzzzzz
Date: 03/20/2002
From: Tork_110
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Bizarre dream sequence~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<There are a few cars on a long road next to some woods. Tork knows that one of them has Nuveena in it. The other car is threatening the car she is in. Tork decides to follow...on foot. (Apparently, he's a good runner.) He somehow manages to fend off the other car, which crashes off road.
The car that has Nuveena parks in the woods. Tork catches up and sees Nuveena talking (with a more mature voice) to another person. She and this man start to talk about how the people at the Second Continental Congress were so close. Finally, Nuveena says "Amen."
Tork realizes the truth. He's sees a third person - a priest - and realizes that Nuveena is exchanging vows with and old boyfriend.
Tork is not hearbroken, but he runs back on to the road and into a tunnel. The tunnel is actually a door into a trailer home. Tork dodges various people (he would have made an excellent running back) and rushes from room to room until he finally finds a bathroom the size of a closet to hide in. He starts crying.>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tork_110...'s dream
I will add a real rp response soon, really!
#2034
Mickey: So, where's Lita?
Date: 03/20/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Evil Mike: She went that a way
(Evil Mike poins in 67 different directions; GROPE, minus Lita, groan)
Evil Mike: What? I washn't loooking.
Rimmi: All right, so now what do we do?
Gramps: Hey whippersnappers! I've got an idea!
Mickey: Yeah, sure....get the phone ready, Rimmi, it might be time for the home.
(Gramps hits Mickey with his walker)
Gramps: This Tork fella here is one of them new fangled robots, right?
Rimmi: Noooooooooooo.....
Gramps: But he's wearing the costume...
Mickey: Oh, I see...Like Iron Man.
Gramps: An IRON man? What the hell are you smoking, hippy? Anyway, you would think he'd have like a map or navigation system on him.
Rimmi: Riiiiight...or we could just use your walker.
Gramps: Excuse me young lady, but you of all people should know that magic is dangerous, it shouldn't be toye...
Rimmi: Just use the walker, old man.
Mickey: No arguments here.
Gramps: Fine. Bunch of ingrates...todays generation, always looking for the quick fix. (Waves his walker, and Mickey, Tork, Rimmi, Evil Mike, Marvin the Corpse, and himself are now in the middle of that exact same highway. Marvin's corpse ends up right in front of PM's truck)
Evil Mike: (Sobers up): Marvin?! Ooooooooh, you're a dead man, Mobius!!!!
Mickey: Hey, how conve...I mean, we don't want to overexxagerate, Evil Michael. Say, how about another drink, 'kay?
PM: That's what I get for letting manosgirl drive.
manosgirl: B-but I wasn't driving!
PM: I know!
Lita: Oh, so now you're trying to blame the innocent?
(manosgirl stomps on PM's foot)
PM: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooowwwwwwwwwwwcchhhhhh!!!!!!!! I mean, Buffalo. Buffalo was drivi...
Lita: Whatever. Get out of here.
PM: It's a free country. You get out.
Lita: Don't wanna
Mickey: Hey, I've got a wacky idea, call off the bounty hunters, and we'll let this Marvin incident pass, oksy?
PM: Hmph! But I'm down in the Pulp Villian polls.
Sam: But that sounds like a pretty jake idea, boss. Especially to Ben Murphy.
PM: Oh....(Looks over the anxious faces of GROPE, manosgirl, and his henchmen) OK, but you'll hear from me again!!!!!!!
(PM's Big Rig speeds off)
Lita: YAY!!! We're all saved!!!! Thanks Mickey!
Mickey: Hey! I didn't kill...oh, you're welcome
Evil Mike: You know, that Marvin was full of crap anyway, now that I think of it.
(Lita angrilly glares at Evil Mike)
Evil Mike: Wasn't that funny, Lita? See, I said...
Lita: Shutup! I'm not talking to you.
Evil Mike: You were.
Lita: No I (Covers her mouth)
Mickey: C'mon everybody. Let's leave these two lovebirds alone (wink)
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
Has done too much exposition in the last few rp replies.
#2035
[workin' the counter at Baskin Robbins]
Date: 03/20/2002
From: wurwolf
[wulfie wipes the glass after some little brat got his ice-creamy hands all over it.]
wurwolf: *rub rub rub* Damn little kids and their ice cream needs. Next person that comes in and smears up this glass is getting an ice cream cone with a spit topping...... Holy crap, what the hell is that?!
[At that moment a huge rig careens into the parking lot, flattening three small cars (but injuring no one, fortunately). The doors open and out hops Phaohnajljajrke. A whole crowd of people stream out of the truck and into the store, led by PM and manosgirl. wulfie panics because she's run out of chocolate, vanilla, tin roof sundae, mint chocolate chip, green tea, vanilla fudge swirl, cookies & cream and rum raisin ice creams.]
wurwolf: Um.... hi. Can I help you?
PM: Why, yes, I'd like a triple-scoop chocolate ice cream cone.
wurwolf: *under her breath* Oh hell, here we go. *louder* Sorry, no chocolate.
PM: Ah. Vanilla fudge swirl, then.
wurwolf: Sorry.
PM: You're kidding. Vanilla?
wurwolf: Just sold the last of it.
PM: You must've been really busy today.
wurwolf: Nope, it's been a slow week.
PM: Huh. Okaaaaaaaaay...... *stands back and looks at the list* Tin roof sundae!
wurwolf: Nope.
PM: Mint chocolate chip?
wurwolf: Uh-uh.
PM: *getting frustrated* Cookies and cream.
wurwolf: Um, lemme check...... Nnnnnnnnnnope!
PM: Dammit! *wheels around and grabs an ice cream cone from a messy little kid* This! What's this?! I want THIS ice cream!
wurwolf: Oh..... *checks the case to see if it's there* Uh....
PM: Right there, you dope!
[PM poins at the container in the case through the glass, and gets his messy fingers all over the glass.]
wurwolf: *angrily* It's bubble gum ice cream! And damn you, you got your smeary fingers all over the glass!
PM: I don't care! Look! I'm doing it again! *smears the front of the glass up* Ha! Now get my triple scoop ice cream cone with bubble gum ice cream! AND PUT JIMMIES ON THE TOP!!!
wurwolf: You smeared up my glass..... *narrows eyes* You just called down the thunder! I'm gonna get the HELL out of your damn ice cream cone!
[wulfie gets the cone and scoops the ice cream. She waits until PM's not looking and goes to the jimmie container and......]
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
Wonders if anyone noticed that Lita said "GRAPErs" in one of her replies.
#2036
Oh, I'm dumb.
Date: 03/20/2002
From: wurwolf
I see you meant to say GRAPErs. I'm a dope. :o(
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2037
<Lita is sitting alone in a coffee shop>
Date: 03/21/2002
From: Lita_Cotton_Tail
............................................................
<What? Apparently the rest of GROPE left so she could be alone with Evil Mike. But she's mad at Evil Mike. Did you expect her to just stand around in the middle of the street all night? Not with a guy she's mad at, she's not! So she's sitting in this coffee shop. And she has a coffee, but it only took her a couple of sips before she remembered why she doesn't drink coffee.>
Lita: *sip* Yuck! *sip* Icky!
<Time passes. Lita hears some yelling from outside the coffee shop.>
Lita: What the hell is that noise?
<Lita looks out the window and sees Evil Mike stumbling around outside. Apparently he's been hittin' the BOOZE again. His hair is all messy, and his shirt is half untucked, and he's holding a bottle, and drinking from it regularly. He's very drunk, but for the sake of being able to understand a word he says, I'm going to translate his drunken slurring into some semblance of normal English.>
EM: LIIIIIIIITA!!1!!!!
Lita: Oh dear Lord, no.
EM: LITA!!!11!!! WHERE ARE YOU, BABY??? WE CAN WORK THIS OUT!!! *drink* LIIIIIIIIIIIITAAAAA!!1!!!!!1!!!1111!!!
Lita: Ugh… how embarrassing…
<Lita ducks down in her chair and hopes Evil Mike doesn't notice her through the window. Too bad for Lita, Evil Mike truly is evil. He does notice her, and rushes into the coffee shop, yelling Lita's name.>
Lita: Oh… for crying out--
EM: Lita!!! You gotta take me back, baby! I need you!
Lita: You're drunk.
EM: Yeah?
Lita: Go away. I don't want to talk to you.
EM: LIIIIIIIITA!!!1!!!!!
<He runs out the door and across the street. It just so happens that Baskin Robbins is across the street, and so is PM's Big Rig! There is a loud crashing noise, and a tinkling of glass. Evil Mike rushes back into the coffee shop.>
EM: Lita!!! I broke a window for you, baby! Don't that prove you should take me back???
Lita: What window did you break?
<We hear PM shout from outside the coffee shop, "MY WINDSHIELD!!!" Evil Mike smiles proudly.>
Lita: Ok. So that was pretty cool. But you still just were totally non-supportive when Marvin was trying to kill me.
EM: *sniff* Marv… he was so cool…
Lita: Look. Just go away. You're making a scene!
EM: *sniff* Lita!!!
Lita: You're a terrible boyfriend. Leave me alone.
EM: <trying to get ahold of himself> Just calm down, Mike. It's all right… It's all right… It's all right--
Lita: Evil Mike! That's U2!
EM: It is? Er… It is! See baby, that's how much I ca--
<Lita jumps on Evil Mike. He's pretty drunk, so he doesn't catch her so much as fall back on the table behind him, which is all right with Lita. And… well… I guess you could say that she and Evil Mike have made up.>
Manager of the Coffee Shop: Please, you guys… You can't display that type of affection here! This is a public place!
<Lita and EM ignore him, so he runs off to call the police. Rude!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Just seein' if my old Easter handle works!
#2038
<Out in the middle of the road...
Date: 03/22/2002
From: Lita_Cotton_Tail
............................................................
...we see Marvin's lifeless corpse. It's just lying there. How sad! But wait a minute… what's going on here? Eeeek!!1!!! Marvin's corpse is sitting up! He's rising from the dead! He's a zombie! Zombie Marvin puts its hand to its head and utters an unearthly moan...>
Zombie Marvin: Uuuugh. What did I *do* last night?
<Boy. That wasn't a very zombie thing to say. It was actually pretty lame.>
Zombie Marvin: What? I'm not a zombie.
<Sure you are. You're dead, aren't you?>
Zombie Marvin: Actually, I'm not. You can check my pulse if you want.
<Actually, I can't. I'm the narrator.>
Zombie Marvon: So?
<So… I'm just a disembodied voice. I don't have any hands.>
Zombie Marvin: Oh. And hey! Quit calling me Zombie Marvin! I told you, I'm not a Zombie!
<Oh. Right. Sorry. I'll quit.>
Marvin: Thank you.
<So, to get back to the story… It looks like Marvin wasn't really dead at all. He was just passed out for a while due to excessive alcohol intake. What a crazy world!>
Mickey: <storms in> Wait, wait! Time out! I've taken about all I can take! I'm calling a continuity time out!!!
<Dammit! We'll never get the plot moving at this rate!>
Mickey: Oh, shut up, you! Lita! Get in here!
<Lita comes in>
Lita: What is it, Mickey?
Mickey: Marvin's not secretly alive! He's dead! I wrote him dead!
Lita: Well, yeah… but you gave me some wiggle room!
Mickey: Wiggle room? *Wiggle room*?
Lita: Uh-huh. Look. <Lita pulls a transcript of the rp out of her pocket.> See, look at the part where Evil Mike tries to wake Marvin up, and Rimmi says, "I think he's dead, Evil Mike."
Mickey: Yeah?
Lita: She just *thought* Marv was dead! But he wasn't really. She was mistaken! See? <Lita grins at Mickey hopefully>
Mickey: No, no, no! Look at *this* part! <Mickey pulls out his own copy of the rp transcript and flips through it.> Look here! At this piece of exposition! The narrator clearly states, "Marvin's corpse ends up right in front of PM's truck." Marvin's *corpse,* Lita. And it's not the first time he's referred to as a corpse. What do you have to say to *that*?
Lita: Well--
Mickey: Hey, and aren't you the one who's always getting on other people's backs when they break continuity?
Lita: <looks down at her feet and mumbles>
Mickey: I didn't hear you.
Lita: <quietly> Yes.
Mickey: So why is it ok for *you* to change other people's plot poins, and it's not ok for other people?
Lita: Well… er… um…
Mickey: Yes? I'm waiting.
Lita: It's just… uhh…
Mickey: That's what I thought. You don't even have a good excuse.
Lita: Well… He's an interesting character, you know? The big mean scary bounty hunter who has a good healthy normal family life!
Mickey: That is not an interesting character! Certainly not a regular character! And even if it was, PM's already the nice evil guy in the rp!
PM: <from off screen (stage? Panel? Whatever.)> Hey! My character is plenty interesting! Don't make me come over there and kick your ass!
Lita: He doesn't have to be regular! I just think he should be alive. Well… It's just… His wife and kids, you know? <Lita's eyes start to well up> Do you really want to make a widow out of his wife? And orphans out of his kids?
Mickey: For one thing, they won't be orphans if the wife is still alive.
Marvin: Well, I think that--
Lita: Shut up! This has nothing to do with you!
Marvin: Fair enough.
Lita: Mickey, please don't be mad at me. I just wanted Marvin to be alive, ok?
Mickey: Oh, I'm not mad at you at all! Just because you like to yell at people for changing your story lines, but then you have no problems changing my story lines around! Not even a tiny bit mad! In fact, I think that's a really pretty dress you're wearing, Lita.
Lita: Really? Thank you!
Mickey: It does a very good job of disguising the fact that you have ugly knees.
Lita: Hey!
Mickey: Look, Lita. You're into morality or whatever, right? Just do what your *conscience* tells you to do. <Mickey storms off>
Lita: Well that was a low blow.
Marvin: I don't know what he's talking about. Your knees look all right to me. Don't tell my wife I said that.
Lita: I meant about making me go with my conscience. I have a strong conscience.
Marvin: Clearly, the right thing to do is to let me live, right?
Lita: In real life, sure. But in an rp, it's really bad etiquette to knowingly screw up continuity.
Marvin: Sooooo… am I dead, or what?
Lita: <quietly, hoping Mickey doesn't hear> Naw. You can live. Just lay low for a while and maybe Mickey won't write you dead again.
<A can of soup flies in from off screen (stage? Panel? Whatever). It was obviously thrown by an enraged soup addict. It misses Lita and Marvin, though.>
Lita: Boy. Mickey's sure gonna be fun to rp with for a while. Look. I gotta go. I'm supposed to be kissing Evil Mike at a coffee shop.
Marvin: What should I do?
Lita: You're alive, all right? And don't let anybody tell you different!
Marvin: <rolls his eyes> Ok, whatever.
<Lita runs back to her spot at the coffee shop, and rp time starts again. Marvin goes back to doing what he was doing before.>
Marvin: Boy! I'm not dead at all! I just have a big hangover! I think I'll go buy some aspirin, and then go home!
<He leaves. Wait a minute… That's it? Boy, Mickey shouldn't have interrupted. This reply would have been way shorter!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#2039
And now, GROPE presents...
Date: 03/22/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Activities YOU can do at home.
Brother: This is so boring.
Sister: Rain, rain, go away...
(Suddenly, Lita and Evil Mike appear out of nowhere)
Sister: Hey! It's Lita and Evil Mike!
Brother: Who?
Sister: Where'd you come from?
Lita: Why, we came from....Saaaaaayyyyyy, how would you, and the readers at home, like to learn an activity you can do to beat the rainy day blues?
Evil Mike: Readers? The hell....
Sister: Sure!
Lita: OK, first we need some popsicle sticks, some glue, and some paint and (Evil Mike whispers to Lita)...OH! Be right back, kids! (They both run off, really fast)
Sister: So.....popsicle sticks, huh?
Brother: Yup. Looks like it.
(Time passes)
Sister: What's new with you?
Brother: Well, it's raining. That stinks.
Sister: Oh, tell me about it.
(More time passes)
Sister: B4
Brother: You sunk my Battle...(Lita and Evil Mike finally come back. Lita's hair is a little messed up, and Evil Mike's shirt is on backwards).
Lita: Hey kids, ready to try that thing with the popsicle sticks again?
Brother: Why don't you take those popsicle sticks and shove them up...
Evil Mike: Hey you little turd! You threatening my girl? (Grabs brother)
Lita: Oh, Evil Mike...
(Lita and Sister share a hearty sitcom laugh)
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x3
You can learn more about popsicle sticks by visiting your local library.
Next up: Kittens!1!!1!!1!
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